If You Love Him, Let Him Go
by Missy Tea
Summary: It was pathetic, falling in love with a man who would never be interested in her. It was even more pathetic watching him marry someone else.


**_I wrote this really late last night, during an emotional break down over Suits. Does ANYONE else here watch it? Or am I the only one getting my heart trampled on?_**

 ** _I was originally going to make this a Suits fanfiction, but I struggle to get the characterizations right with them, so I apologize if it's a bit AU._**

 ** _I own nothing. I merely typed it out. Don't sue._**

 ** _I am aware that there is a similar fic out there based on Taylor Swift's song "Speak Now." (at least, I think it was this fandom. I've lost track to be honest). I would like to say that any similarities were not intentional. It is merely a scene that I can so see happening in Suits._**

 ** _Enjoy_**

There was a spring in his step. She could see it as he stepped off the elevators. Watched it through the glass walls as he made his way around reception and towards her cubicle. Everything, from his suit, to his hair was immaculate. He walked into the room as though he owned the place, which in a way she supposed he did only he didn't usually act like it. There was a smile tugging on his lips, even though he was about to meet one of their most difficult clients. And he was wearing a red tie. The tie he wore when he had closed a particularly big deal, landed a new client, or had something else in the universe go his way.

She had spent years learning his ways. Learning him. She was one of the best legal secretaries in the city, could read people at a glance. She knew that Isobel Crawley, managing partner had known love and wanted to find it again. She knew that Violet Crawley had been raised to keep her walls up no matter what, and had therefore had a loveless marriage. She had known that Anna was pregnant long before Anna knew it herself. There was always something, a clue, to unlock people and their biggest secrets and desires.

But with him she had had to work. Had to learn what made him tick. Some of it she had picked up easily. Like how he only ever drank Scotch if something had gone majorly wrong. How at the end of a case he loved to watch an old movie, or play Chess when he couldn't figure out a way to solve a problem. Other bits had taken her years to learn. Like how deeply he felt certain things. How much he actually cared about his clients and the people he worked with, despite his gruff exterior at times. Things she doubted he was even aware of. Like how he was feeling protective when he wore a purple tie. Blue if he was calm. Red when things could not be better.

This was how she knew. Knew before he even reached his office. The only thing she didn't know was why she wasn't happier for him.

Elsie Hughes stood up and picked up a file that he would need for his upcoming meeting.

"She accepted then?" she asked, not allowing her voice to betray her inner thoughts and emotions. He took the file from her and beamed, a look she was certain she had never seen on his face before

"She did Ms Hughes. She did." He said happily "everything was perfect! Thank you so much for your help, it means the world to me."

"I'm happy to have helped Mr Carson." Elsie said humbly "and I'm truly happy for you. I hope you have a long and successful marriage."

He thanked her again and disappeared into his office, nose already in the file. She waited until the client had arrived before leaving her desk. Usually she would listen in and add her opinions when she took him his morning cup of coffee, but she needed to get away. Luckily the ladies loos at this time of day where the perfect place to have a good wallow in self pity.

 **(*)**

It had been perfect. Every last detail from the roses on the table to the diamond ring glittering on her finger. Of course, he had Elsie to thank for that. She had been the one who had set most of it up.

The roses on the table had been snow white, her favourite at her favourite restaurant. The champagne one of the highest quality and the food that went with it sublime. Her face had been a picture when he had gotten down on one knee, the three stone ring held out in front of him. She had cried when he had finally said the words

"Alice Neal, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

And he had cried when she had said yes. And then the joy he felt when he had woken up with her this morning in his arms, knowing that this would be the start of his day for the rest of his life. He could barely focus on what his client was saying when he thought about it all.

He knew that some would be surprised at their engagement. They had certainly had their ups and downs in the past, times when they went a year without speaking. But what did any of that matter when she had consented to be his wife? It was like a fairy tale. He had first met her at lawschool, the bossy know-it-all who was the only one who could beat him in the trial cases. He had first seen her a few months before that, when he had gone in for an interview. She had been standing there on the pavement in a blue dress that hugged her curves laughing at something in the distance. She had taken his breath away.

He wondered if she would consent to having the bridesmaids dressed in blue. He should ask Elsie if she wouldn't mind helping plan the wedding. She had an eye for such things, and in a way was wasted as a P.A. His birthday party and the year end functions always went off without a hitch thanks to her. He glanced through the glass walls of his office at her cubicle, only to find she wasn't there.

 **(*)**

It was pathetic. Sitting in her flat, drinking a glass of wine and watching reruns of some god awful soapie, while brooding over her boss's engagement. She had no hold on him, no promises. They'd only ever slept together once. Ten years ago.

' ** _I don't get involved with men that I work with.'_**

It had been her motto, something she had always chosen to live by. Things got messy when you mixed business with pleasure. She had learnt that the hard way with Joe. Granted, it might have worked out if he hadn't been brought up on a charge of attempted murder and corruption. But they had been falling apart long before that. When he had asked her to choose between Charles and him. She hadn't answered. Her silence had been enough of an answer to Joe.

She hadn't intended for it to happen. It was during a celebratory dinner, he was lingering because he had just been made a named partner, and she was lingering to help clean up the mess like she always did. They had both had too much to drink, and somehow he had convinced her to have one more glass of wine with him and somehow he had ended up kissing her. Before she knew it he had her pinned to her desk and she was clawing his back in desperation, because she needed more. More of the feelings, the sensations. More of him. She had fallen in love with him that night. Or at very least admitted to herself what she truly felt for him.

They never mentioned it again after that.

She had helped him organize the engagement because it was her job and because honestly, who was she to tell him who he could marry? She never expected Alice to say yes.

It wasn't that she hated Alice. She was a likeable person, with her soft voice and dazzling smile. But she wasn't what Charles needed. She was flighty, always looking for the next rush of excitement. She didn't take things seriously. Not like he did. And then there had been the time she had cheated **_with_** Charles on her boyfriend at the time. Charles had lost it when he found out, and Elsie had never seen him look so angry. She had thought it was over then, because it had always been the one thing Charles could not forgive. Yet here they were, engaged. It had taken her two years but somehow she had wormed her way back into Charles' heart.

In a way it made Elsie sick.

But on the other hand it made her realize that it was time to move on.

 **(*)**

They each had a legal pad in front of them and they were bickering over the guest list for their wedding. Alice wanted to get the invites out as soon as possible, but there had been a problem with the printers, and then he had to go away for business and by the time he got back she was having panic stations that everyone would have planned something else on the date of their wedding. He had taken her in his arms, gently calmed her down, and promised that they would have the guest list sorted before the evening was over.

"Mr Callahan?" She suggested

"No. He hasn't spoken to me since the Jarvis deal went bad. Why do we have to invite clients? Can't it just be close friends and family?"

"We're not inviting all the clients, just the important ones. It makes them feel a part of the family."

"I thought that's why we held Valentine's parties and year end do's?" Charles asked, sipping his wine and sighing. Alice shot him a look and he relented

"Fine." He said, pulling her legal pad towards his so he could compare their lists "but not Callahan. Why isn't Elsie on your list?"

Alice sighed and stretched like a cat

"Why would she be? She's only your assistant."

"She's also one of my closest friends."

"She's also been in love with you for the last fifteen years. I don't want her there. It'll make things uncomfortable."

Charles gaped at her, unable to believe what he was hearing. Elsie was a close friend, but the idea of her being in love with him was ridiculous. She viewed him as nothing more than her boss, to tease in the mornings and complain to in the afternoons. Alice saw the look on his face and groaned.

"Fine. " She snapped "but I don't want her involved at all in the planning of it."

Charles supposed that was the best he could hope for.

 **(*)**

"Charles wanted me to give this to you."

Elsie looked up from her computer at the gold envelope that had been thrust under her nose. She took it and slit it open, pulling out a pale pink piece of card that was an invite to his wedding.

"Thank you." She said, looking up at his bride to be, who looked anything but happy.

"I want you to be out of town that weekend." Alice said abruptly "make up some excuse as to why you can't come."

Elsie raised one eyebrow

"Excuse me?"

Alice snorted, and picked up her bag

"We all know you've been in love with him for years. I don't want you to ruin it by thinking he's in love with you to."

"Don't be ridiculous." Elsie protested perhaps a little too strongly "I most certainly am not in love with Charles Carson."

"Then you won't mind missing the wedding." Alice said, before turning and walking towards the elevators. Elsie stared at her as she went before turning to find Isobel Crawley and her P.A, Beryl Patmore, watching her in astonishment. She bid a hasty retreat to the bathrooms. Beryl and Isobel found her a few minutes later. She should have left the building.

"Well that was completely uncalled for!" Beryl ranted "you are formally invited to my wedding, but please, don't turn up."

She carried on like this for a good half an hour, with Elsie occasionally nodding along. Isobel watched her silently, until eventually Beryl ran out of things to say.

"Elsie." Isobel said softly "are you in love with him?"

"No." Elsie said firmly "and I'm getting mighty tired of everyone assuming that I am."

 **(*)**

It came as a surprise when she placed a wrapped box on his table and told him that it was a wedding gift, and he was getting it now because she would not be able to attend the wedding because she was visiting her sister that day. It came as an even bigger surprise when she told him that she was handing in her notice. That Richard Carlisle had made her an offer that she would be foolish to turn down.

He asked her to stay, telling her that he would match whatever Carlisle was offering. She declined and had told him that she would work out her notice, and help him find someone to take her place. He had snapped and told her that if she wanted to leave, he wasn't going to make her stay and to not bother coming in tomorrow. She had left his office silently, her eyes betraying the hurt she felt at his words. He threw a vase at the wall and let out a yell of frustration.

What had seemed so perfect a few months ago was slowly turning into a nightmare. Alice was impossible at the moment, bombarding him with complaints over what was going wrong with the wedding planning every minute he was home, accusing him of not being interested in anything but work. They had had a major blow-up this morning over something as trivial as cake. He had walked out, looking forward to spending a quiet day at the office, getting paperwork out of the way and enjoying his usual light banter with Elsie. Then she had dropped the bombshell on him that not only was she not able to attend the wedding, but she was also handing in her notice. Damnit all to hell.

He wanted this wedding to be over, for his future wife to return to some normality and for Elsie to decide that working for Carlisle was not going to be for her.

He looked up to find the entire outside office staring at him after his outburst. Somehow he couldn't quite bring himself to care.

 **(*)**

It was the morning of the wedding. She was supposed to be out of town, visiting her sister. She hadn't lied when she told Charles that. But she had cancelled last minute, deciding that the last thing she wanted to do was go and pretend she was happy with her sister. So she stayed in her pyjamas and decided to get some work done for Carlisle.

He wasn't a bad boss. A bit controlling and prone to fly off the handle at times but other than that he was as boring as a plank. She missed the easiness she had with Charles, the way they always seemed to be on the same wavelength. It wasn't the same with Carlisle who barely spoke to her unless it was to bark an order. A part of her was so tempted to return to the office and beg for his forgiveness. But she always buried it deep. It was long past time to move on.

Her door swung open and she stifled a scream, spilling coffee down her front. Isobel Crawley marched in, a determined look on her face.

"Isobel!" Elsie exclaimed, quickly moving her cup away from her laptop "how on earth did you get in here?"

"I told your landlord what I was going to do and asked for a key. Nice man that. Now, get dressed."

"What in heaven's name for?" Elsie asked, closing the lid of her laptop but not moving from her chair. Isobel rolled her eyes

"Because you have a wedding to attend."

 **(*)**

Alice was going to kill him. He was wearing his dark suit instead of his pale grey one that she'd requested. He had sent it to be dry-cleaned and they had somehow managed to lose the suit completely. There would be hell to pay come Monday morning, but for now there was nothing he could do but wear the navy one.

It felt like everything had gone wrong with this wedding. There had been a fight with the seamstress over the bridesmaid's dresses, a blow up between Alice and the florist. There had been a double booking for the venue, but fortunately the other party had backed out. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong **_had_** gone wrong. Things like this never seemed to happen when Elsie organized things.

Elsie. God he missed her. He hadn't realized how much she did for him in the office until she was gone. Her replacement, a young woman called Phyllis was good, but there was something missing. She didn't know how he took his tea, or know instinctively which file he'd need next. She didn't know when to hold his calls without him saying a word like Elsie had. She tried, the poor soul, but there was no way she could live up to Elsie.

He missed her teasing, her sharp tone she took with him when he was being an idiot, the looks they used to share when he had a particularly irritating client. The silent conversations they would have through the glass. The way he had to bite back a smile when she was listening in on a conversation and had to bite her tongue. He had lost a case for the first time since his goddaughters husband had died, and it was all because he wasn't the same without her. He missed her. They were a team.

His phone ran and he glanced at it, smiling as he slid the bar to answer it

"Hello beautiful." He said, a smile on his face

"You had better not be late for this wedding Charles." Alice barked on the other end "It's about to rain, and I will not be stuck waiting outside, getting soaked to the skin because you're still fart arsing around. And for Christ sake, make sure that your idiot of a best man doesn't lose the wedding rings on the journey from your place to the church, because we both know he's capable."

She rang off without saying another word. Charles sighed and once again blamed the stress of a wedding as he dialled Roberts's number to make sure that yes, he still had the rings. Yet as he wrestled with his bow-tie he couldn't help but wonder if other men dreaded their wedding ceremony as much as he was.

 **(*)**

The venue was beautiful. Perhaps not the colours she herself would have picked, but beautiful none the less. It was all done in pale gold and pink, with the aisle beautifully decorated in white roses. Beryl had given up her invitation, and when Elsie was asked for her name when she walked in with Isobel she had given Beryl's. Apparently this wedding had a list, and if you weren't on it you were turfed back into the rain. Beryl was waiting in the car, playing Sudoku on her phone. She said she was the getaway car, and what she meant by that Elsie didn't know.

She took her seat at the back of the church next to Isobel and looked to the front. There he was, standing talking to Robert who was rolling his eyes and patting his chest. Charles looked tired. He had a slight frown on his face, one that Elsie wouldn't like to see on the man she was about to marry. He still looked dashing, however, in a dark blue suit she had always admired him in.

The last guest was seated and Elsie sighed as the music started to play. It wasn't your usual wedding march, but rather some mournful tune that Elsie privately thought would have fitted in better at a funeral. Every one stood and turned to see Alice walk down the aisle. She was dressed in a figure hugging snow white dress, her back exposed and her long dark hair swept over her shoulder. She was breath taking. Beautiful. It was really no surprise that Charles had chosen her to fall in love with.

She watched as she reached the end, how Charles swept back her veil and took her arm for the final couple of steps. The minister raised his arms for them all to take a seat, and began to speak.

"Do I really have to be here?" Elsie hissed into Isobel's ear, who hissed back that yes she did, and to shut up and pay attention.

She sat back with a sigh, fully prepared to watch the man she loved marry someone else.

 **(*)**

They were supposed to be the most important words of his life, yet he barely heard them. Alice looked beautiful, even a blind man could have seen that, but there was something off about her. She kept shooting dirty looks at the crowd, the flowers and his suit. It was like no matter what she was determined that this wedding was already a letdown.

He doubted that anyone else could see it. Alice had perfected her mask years ago, and it was only him and her close friends, who were now looking uneasily at one another, who knew how to see through it.

He supposed some of his understanding came from Elsie, the woman who knew all she needed to know about someone at the very first glance. Of course, she had been wrong occasionally, like the whole mess with Joe Burns, and in hiring Sarah O' Brien, a woman who had wrecked havoc in the office for the year that she had worked there, but most of the time she was right on track.

She had always refused to tell him what she thought of Alice, and now watching his future wife he wondered why that was. Did she see Alice for what she truly was, unlike him who was so caught up in the romance of it all?

He wished she was here. She always knew how to solve a problem. He had been downright miserable without her in the office, shouting at people for no good reason and helping himself to the Scotch as soon as it five o clock. It was wedding nerves, he told himself, and too many changes all at once with her leaving.

Yet as he watched Alice's face he wondered, not for the first time, if he was marrying the wrong woman.

"Speak now, or forever hold your peace." The minister said and there was a beat of silence, before a voice with a beautiful Scottish accent came from the back.

"I can't let you do this."

 **(*)**

Well crap. That didn't go how she thought it was going to go. She had every intention of watching the wedding, her final goodbye to him before being asked to be transferred to one of Carlisle's overseas offices. Yet as she watched Alice's critical eye take in everything, a slight sneer on her face, so slight she doubted anyone else would have seen it, all she could think about was what a terrible mistake he was making. The minister had asked if there were any objections, and she had every intention of staying in her seat.

Yet somehow, she found herself standing up and announcing that she couldn't let him do this.

Now her knees were shaking, and every face in the church was turned to face her. There was a silence before a few whispers broke out, as well as a harsh

"What is she doing here?" from the lovely bride to be.

She looked down towards Isobel, who smiled and pushed her none to gently into the aisle.

"I know I said I wouldn't come." Elsie said, her throat tight and her hands shaking "and up until an hour ago I had every intention of staying at home. But a little bird told me that I had to come. When I walked through those doors, I had no intention of ruining your wedding, Alice, I swear it."

Alice scowled and muttered something to her maid of honour, who looked slightly shocked at whatever she had said. Her confidence growing, Elsie took a few steps closer to them, her voice no longer meek and squeaky.

"Charles, I'm sorry. But you're making a mistake. Everyone has always said that I've been in love with you for as long as I've worked for you, and maybe that's true, but that's not why I'm stopping this wedding. She makes you miserable Charles. You're not well suited. You asked me years ago what I thought of her, and I refused to tell you. But I'm going to tell you now, and I'll understand if you choose to ignore it. I think she is shallow. Conceited. Hard. I think she can be fun, and she certainly is beautiful. But she'll drain you Charles. Take that sensitive soul and turn it inside out."

Elsie took a breath and noticed that every single face was still turned towards her. Her confidence vanished and she took a step back.

"That's all I have to say." She squeaked "and I hope you have a happy life."

She turned to leave, almost sprinting through the church and down the steps onto the road below. She heard Isobel call her name, but she ignored her and kept going. She had no idea where Beryl had parked, wasn't in the mood to try and find her, so she turned left and hurried away as fast as her heels would carry her. She had barely made it to the corner when she felt a hand grab her wrist and yank her to a stop.

 **(*)**

Despite the fact that she was currently ruining his wedding, the first thought that sprang to mind was

 ** _My god she's beautiful_**

She was dressed in a pale grey dress, her hair pulled up in a messy bun and her cheeks were bright red. Her eyes were shining, their colour a more vivid blue than he had ever seen. She was terrified. He could see it in the way her hands moved from her arms, to her neck, to her side. Her voice was shaky, its brogue thicker than ever, but it got more powerful as she went on.

And it was then that he realized that he loved her. Probably had for as long as she had loved him. Only he had been a fool, blind to the woman who knew him better than anyone. How could he marry a woman he only thought he knew when he was completely in love with someone else? How had he managed to ignore it all these years?

But then she was gone. Running away from him, back down the aisle and down the church steps into the rain. He heard Isobel call her name, but she was already gone. There was a deathly silence as the church doors closed behind her, before Alice tugged on her veil and announced

"Well, that was entertaining. Shall we carry on?"

He glanced at the door, before glancing at Alice and then back again. Her eyes widened as she realized what he was about to do

"Charles." She said in a low warning tone. He glanced at the door again and shrugged

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, before running after Elsie. He heard Alice shriek his name as he went, heard someone else yell for him to run faster and he took their advice. He clattered down the steps and into the rain, searching for any sign of her, and felt his heart sink when he didn't see her.

Then he spotted her grey dress, hurrying towards the end of the street and he took off running again after her. She was just about to cross the road when he reached out and grabbed her, forcing her to stop and face him. The rain had flattened her hair, and her eyes were filled with tears

"Did you mean it?" he asked desperately.

"Mean what?" she asked

"Did you mean it when you said that you had loved me ever since you started working with me?"

He thought she wasn't going to answer. He thought she was going to tug her wrist free and run, never to be seen again. Instead she said softly

"I did. Lord help me, I did."

And then he pulled her to him.

 **(*)**

She was in his arms. A place she hadn't been in almost ten years. Yet it felt like coming home.

His lips were on hers, almost aggressively, possessively, one hand entangled in her hair the other around her waist. She was taking it, the possession, the fire, and returning it. Their tongues were battling for dominance, and she pulling him as close as she could possibly get him. They were both soaking wet, her dress clinging to her and her hair plastered to her face. Water was dripping off his face and down the back of his neck, yet she couldn't make herself let go.

They broke apart when the need to breathe became desperate and they stood there, clinging to one another and panting.

"Elsie Hughes." He said breathlessly "I love you. Will you marry me?"

She supposed that she should take the time to think about it, he had ,after all, just walked out off his own wedding. Yet all of these thoughts ceased to exist as she looked into his hazel eyes, the ones that had spoken to her like no others had all those years ago.

"Yes Charles." She said, stretching to kiss him again "I will marry you."

 **The End**

 ** _Please review if you have a moment._**


End file.
